


Grey Eyes (PART ONE)

by Ellflc



Series: Grey Eyes [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Empathy, Fear, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Present Tense, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Slow Burn, narrator - Freeform, not as quick as the other ones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2019-08-08 07:06:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 40
Words: 20,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16424690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellflc/pseuds/Ellflc
Summary: You have stumbled upon the case of one unique individual: Keith Kogane.Normally cases of humans do not interest me but this intrigued me. Maybe it will intrigue you too.Based on: https://www.instagram.com/p/BpFzVtihS_v/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheetUPDATE EVERY THURSDAY EVENING GMT





	1. Chapter 1

People begin to notice Keith Kogane is different when he is four. When he does not make any friends, does not laugh with the others' jokes, when he isolates himself completely.

The other children notice him and begin to think something is wrong with him. Childlike names fly around:  _weirdo, freak, loser._ Keith Kogane does not care. Keith Kogane will never care for people who pluck insults from the comments of the internet.

Then, when Keith Kogane is 5, when there is a fight going on between two boys in the playground, he is the only one to stop the fight. His method is unorthodox but it works. He cannot see why he is in trouble for hitting one of the boys over the head with a shovel - it did stop the fight. But, his mother is called in and his father hears about it. This adds to the thousands of wasps in Keith Kogane's home, each with their own name:  _alcoholism, addiction, rage._

The boy who Keith Kogane hit is important later. Do not forget him.

Schools that Keith Kogane attend seem alarmed by his behaviour. They recommend counsellors who can help with him. They hand over countless flyers about disorders like autism and APD - all of which are null and void at the end of the day. His parents will never take him to a therapist. It would damage their home life too much. 

If you read further, you will find how Keith Kogane acts, his motivations in life, his backstory and his future. Keith Kogane is unlike most people: you will soon find out why.


	2. Chapter 2

Of course, there have been parts in Keith Kogane's life where he is emotional. All babies cry. Keith is no exception to the rule. As a young child, he loves nothing more than to laugh and run around outside. But emotions do not bear well in the Kogane household.

In any dictionary, you will find the word reinforcement. That is exactly what happened in the household. Whenever Keith cries, whenever he laughs, whenever he whimpers, whenever he giggles, whenever he openly displays a crack against the ideal gravitas his father imagines, he is beaten both mentally and physically. His father is clever. He knows how to hide the bruises for school. He plants the seeds in Keith's mind about how never to tell anyone. In short, he makes sure Keith's strongest alliance is with his family. 

Then there is the time Keith Kogane is 12. We will not speak of it. Keith Kogane would not want us to. 

As the years go by, Keith Kogane learns better how to fit in. How to not draw attention to the emotionless blank slate he is. And, most importantly, how to not feel attachment. He persuades himself every morning and every evening to never form a bond with anyone. Because he knows bonds will lead to nothing more than his demise. 

Isolation is key to Keith Kogane. Isolation and watchfulness. Nobody notices how big the red flags are. Nobody, until one very critical day.


	3. Chapter 3

Keith Kogane is now in high school. He is 16. He copes daily without emotions, learning to force a smile when it is needed. This is now his fifth transfer. Teachers and schools frown upon children with no empathy like him, so they give him an ultimatum: make friends or leave. Every time, he leaves.

High school may be a task for Keith Kogane but for others, it is a haven, a place to chat and catch up with the world around you. This is the case for someone named Lance McClain. Lance loves high school, mainly because of his friends, his social world. He would never be able to cope without the sheltered support of high school, a fear he knows he must face in two years. It is the one place where he matters, unlike at home with his many siblings and niblings. 

The two have not met yet. They do not know about each other. It is barely the first day, there is no need for them to meet. They have similar classes however and, as always, a new kid is inspected with scrutiny. Will they be popular? Do they have the needed characteristics to survive or possibly dominate high school or will they be tossed aside? These are the questions Keith Kogane knows about and he always knows the answers to them. 

I will point out something here. Although Keith tries not to form many alliances, one in particular has been formed with a senior at this new high school - Takashi Shirogane, but please call him Shiro. Shiro takes Keith under his wing after he is 12, when the incident happens. They have been family friends for many years but this is when they grow closer together. Keith would consider him a friend, if he knew how to form a friendship. This boy is who Keith stays close to during the day. He does not wish to be with the other students of his year. In his eyes, Shiro is enough. 

At some point, however, Keith Kogane must accept the fact that he must separate himself from Shiro for school. He must follow the others to the same classrooms and study with them, even if it is against his will. And so he does, and this is when he ends up sitting next to somebody new. A fresh face, one quite the opposite of him.


	4. Chapter 4

The boy sitting next to Keith Kogane smiles wide, a welcoming gesture. He seems cheery and easily breaks the ice. "Hey, I'm Hunk. I'm guessing you're new here, so welcome to Garrison High School. You got a name?" He laughs faintly at his fantastic joke.

Keith scans him mentally, figuring out if he can trust this Hunk. After a painfully awkward amount of time, he decides that the information would come out one way or another. "It's Keith." 

Now, Hunk isn't sure what to do exactly but, he's friendly so he beams and carries on. "Ok, cool name." He struggles for more content to pour out of his mouth. "So, where were you before here?" 

"That's private" Keith says quickly, the words sounding sharper than he intends. He never gives out more information than is needed. 

"Um, ok?" Hunk shakes his head a little. Soon he lightens up when a small, bespectacled person walks into the room. "PIDGE!!" 

This Pidge turns around and grins as they see Hunk, dashing over to the duo. "Sorry I'm late, Matt took AGES." They raise an eyebrow at Keith, watching them out of the corner of his eye. "Who's the Gerard Way lookalike?" 

"Oh, this is Keith and he is new. That's all I know so far." 

"Cool. Need someone to show you around or you good?" 

Keith eyes them both warily. "I know where I'm going." 

Pidge mentally signals to Hunk as if to say 'yikes'. They talk for some time about their activities during the summer and how they hung out and their latest technological discoveries (Pidge's was trying and failing to get a robot to crack eggs safely). All this time. Keith Kogane watches them as he tries to find out more about the works of this school and how best to simply fit in. 

The conversation has been going on for 15 minutes. The lesson is about to begin when suddenly a flustered olive-skinned boy bursts through the door: our secondary protagonist.


	5. Chapter 5

The teacher turns to the boy and sighs. "Late again, McClain. Sit down. And don't cause any more disturbances in my class."

This boy nods and grins at Pidge and Hunk, then frowns when he sees who's next to them. "Hey, emo kid. That's my seat. Move."

Keith Kogane looks at him blankly. "This seat isn't reserved. There's no name on here."

"McClain, sit down" the teacher scowls as several students snicker at the humiliation of Lance. "Find any seat."

Lance huffs and sits near the front, glaring at Keith as he does so. "What a dick" he mutters to himself as he sits down. This is the start of their very one-sided rivalry. Whenever Lance does something cool, he always checks to see if Keith saw. Keith never sees. This causes him to be more irate and thus the cycle continues.

* * *

 

Pidge is the first to notice his anger towards Keith Kogane. "Lance, quit being so worked up over the dude. He's not too bad, and he's never done anything bad to you. You can't hate a dude who's not doing anything to you."

"Yeah but he's so smug about everything he does. He's always clinging onto Shiro and just breezily getting good grades and he never gets interested by anything! It's like he hates the whole school."

"You hate school too" Hunk interjects with a deadpan face.

Lance rolls his eyes. "It's different! I have fun with you guys at school. The dude's just weird."

"Just leave him alone and focus on other stuff, ok? Like Adam's party next weekend" Pidge grins. In case you don't know, parties are social events people attend to have fun, normally involving music and drinks. A new word for me. "Matt got us in so be lucky."

"I know, I know and I'm grateful. You're right, there's no point wasting time over mullet-head over there."

The trio move the conversation into some other meaningless topic as on the other side of the hall, Shiro and Keith sit with Adam and Matt. Shiro looks at Keith. "Keith, you're coming to the party tomorrow aren't you?"

Keith shrugs. "Probably not. I'm not looking to get drunk or high."

"Keith," Shiro says warningly, "it's a good way to meet people. You might actually make friends in your year this way."

Adam pipes up at this point. "Yeah, plus it'll be fun. If you don't like it, you can leave part-way through."

"I said no" Keith says sharply. "I don't go out."

Shiro looks at him with disappointment in his eyes. "Fine. I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do. I thought you made friends with Pidge and Hunk, they were gonna be there."

Keith gets up suddenly, overwhelmed by everything Shiro was throwing at him. "Don't babysit me, Shiro. I don't need to be told who my friends should be." He storms off, wrath burning through him. Not unusual but certainly not common either. As he walks away, he notices Lance staring at him and raises an aggressive eyebrow. "What?"

"Nothing" Lance mumbles.

Keith frowns once more and exits the school, striding with some degree of bitterness out into the open. Something which would have dire consequences later.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey so, this chapter will feature more on domestic life so it's going to cover pretty dark topics e.g. abuse so please don't read if you don't feel comfortable with the topics. 
> 
> Also: the parents in this story are not Krolia and Texas, they are people I have made up.

Keith Kogane gets home at around 4, when he normally does. He has been avoiding his parents since he left school earlier - mainly by sitting in the park, figuring out what he should play next on guitar. As he gets home, his mother gives him a despairing look as his father glares at him. "You been skipping school, huh?"

Keith knows if he retaliates, he will get hit. If he says nothing, he will get hit. He looks at his dad with nothing in his eyes. "Yes, sir." 

"I thought I raised you better than that, you little shit" his father says, his voice raising as he grabs Keith by the arm. "You need a decent fucking education to get a job and make money." His voice is slurred - it is clear he has been drinking. 

Although he registers the pain in his body, Keith Kogane does not wince. He is more than used to having his arm squeezed so hard it turns numb, or being beaten until his mouth is filled with the metallic taste of blood. "I know" he mumbles, figuring this is his best chance at survival. 

"Well, if you know, then why would you fucking skip, huh? Some kids picking on you? Answer me!" His father backhands him once, the shrill gasps of his mother piercing the background. 

"I just wanted to leave." 

His father scoffs slightly. "You don't get a chance to leave, my boy. That's not how the system works. They imprison you, force you to educate yourself then find some menial job somewhere. You won't change the system. Nobody ever fucking does." 

Keith simply nods, the sting consuming his words. His view flies quickly to his mother. If he knew what attachment was, maybe they would have a bond. He feels, almost pride of being hers. He knows he gets the lightest of it. He knows she will be blamed later for 'putting ideas into his head'. 

"The Shiroganes sent us a dinner invitation for tonight so fucking shower, and put on good clothes. Not a leather jacket or whatever crap you wear these days" his father spits out, the voice resonating with spite and one could argue jealousy. The inner workings of this man is complicated. I pick at it at least once a day, always a new maze for me to dive into. He lets go of Keith and shoves him towards the stairs. 

The boy goes upstairs, putting on several outfits. He looks at himself once or twice in the mirror, silently observing if his marks are covered, practicing how to fit into society. Occasionally in his life, Keith Kogane will mourn the loss of his emotions for one brief second then snap into his identity. He must remind himself that he cannot miss something he never felt. 

Keith goes downstairs. He does not want to talk to Shiro tonight but his father's reaction outweighs his thoughts about the day so far. His father frowns as he comes down. "Your hair's growing too long. You need a fucking haircut." Keith can tell his father is getting an idea. A new treatment normally kickstarts a tiny emotion within him, as his hands fidget in his pockets. 

His father, still inebriated, picks up a pair of scissors and grabs Keith by the collar. "I'll sort it out" he mutters, chopping off Keith's ponytail, roughly fixing it afterwards. "There, now you look like a man." He does not notice the blood that forms as a consequence. 

This is one of those moments where Keith Kogane feels a tiny part of him breaking off, detaching from himself. "Thank you, sir" is all he utters as his hands glide over the death of his individuality. They soon leave for the Shiroganes, Keith number than before. He cared for that ponytail. He grew it out for his own sake. The cutting of it breaks Keith down, leaves him with much less than before. Keith Kogane: tailored into normality.


	7. Chapter 7

The Koganes soon arrive at the Shiroganes, looking like a healthy family. Keith is silent when they arrive, his view fixated on the floor. He tries to ignore the blood trickling slowly down his head.

Shiro does not ignore it. His eyes widen slightly as he sees Keith's hair. When he moves to Keith's face, he reads a face none like what he has seen before. The expression is not sadness, but not joy, but not anger, but not boredom. Enigmatic, one would say. He smiles and pulls Keith upstairs, telling the adults how he has a book he wants to show Keith. Reaching the haven of Shiro's room, they sit down on the bed and Shiro sighs. "What happened to your hair?" 

"I cut it" Keith says quickly as he scrambles for lies to protect his safety. "I didn't like how it looked." 

Although he has been improving, Keith Kogane is no expert at lying and Shiro sees through him. "Keith, did he cut it?" 

Keith nods slowly. "I wanted him to." 

"Jesus Keith, your head's bleeding. I'll get some plasters and see what I can do" Shiro frowns, racing off to his bathroom. After some precision, he stops Keith's head bleeding. "Are you ok?" 

"The bleeding's fine. I'm not in any pain." 

"That's not what I meant" Shiro says, forcing Keith to look at his pained eyes. "Keith, is he hurting you?" 

Keith stands up quickly, backing away from Shiro. "My dad doesn't do anything to hurt me. We're a family." The lines are rehearsed daily. The consequences of messing them up are burned in his head. We do not speak of when Keith Kogane was 12. 

Shiro can tell Keith wants him to let go of it so he does, reluctantly. "Ok. I'm sorry. I just want you to be ok, I care about you Keith." 

"I'm fine" Keith says, deliberately emphasising the simple phrase. "We should go back downstairs." 

Nodding sadly, Shiro forces a smile. "Your hair doesn't look bad." 

Keith smiles as best as he can, his world disassociating from himself. He walks downstairs, Shiro soon following him. 

Throughout the meal, Shiro watches Keith - watches himself stare at his plate, answer simple questions as monotonously as possible. He has known Keith since he was 12, has known that something is unusual with this boy. He knows Keith does not express himself to the world and that he does not function in a way that others do. Every time that he sees Keith Kogane, he asks himself 'is he ok?"' He has sometimes even seen bruises on Keith Kogane - but the link between him and Keith is so fragile that he dares not risk tell anyone, in case Keith Kogane walks away from him and never returns again. Very occasionally, he looks into the eyes of Keith Kogane and see a raw emotion that does not know how to develop itself - something like fear, when they hear his father slam the door again and know his mother is sitting downstairs, or happiness when Shiro tells him he likes his outfit. It's a brief shimmer inside the eyes of the boy, but they fade when Keith's brain tells the emotion to pipe down, to stop distracting Keith from surviving another day. Shiro can see Keith's eyes dull even when the boy wants to cry out. Like tonight. 

The best words to describe Keith Kogane's face, in the words of Takashi Shirogane, are: haphazard and still all at the same time.


	8. Chapter 8

We now skip forward to an evening with Pidge, Hunk and Lance. They are walking back from a local arcade. Lance grins to the other two. "I totally rule at Dance Dance Revolution."

"Rigged" Pidge says sarcastically. "You're just lucky because Veronica used to make you play all the time." 

"I am the dance champion!!" Lance yells into the air, full of naivety and bumbling buffoonery. They laugh and turn down a narrow side alley, one full with puddles and grime and soot in all places. Hunk scans the area with anxiety. "Uhh, guys maybe we should just stay on the main road." 

"What, you chicken?" Lance laughs, to which Hunk nods intensely. "Don't worry, this is just a shortcut. Nothing ever happens on these type of -" he stops, his eyes widening at the sight in from of them. 

A man, clearly on some type of class-A drug, with twitching eyes and equally shaky hands, pulls a gun on them. "Gimme your money - and phones" he says with a hint of insanity in there. "NOW!" 

The trio start to dive into their pockets, except for Hunk who freezes and quietly starts hyperventilating. This angers and agitates the thief. "Hey, what's your problem fattie? Get out your shit!" 

"Hey don't call him that!" Pidge shouts at him. "Don't you have anything better than to be robbing three kids?" 

The criminal swings towards them, pointing the gun firmer at them. "Stop fucking talking and give me your money!" 

Pidge sticks out their chin in defiance. "No." This garners looks of bewilderment from the rest of the party. 

As the man cocks the gun, the trio shut their eyes tightly and wait for certain death. All they hope is that it's fast. All they hope is that it's painless. All they hope is that someone shoots this guy. 

Suddenly, there is a whack and a cry in pain. They quickly open their eyes to see Keith Kogane standing next to the man (who is on the floor) with a baseball bat slung across his shoulders, a look of apathy on his face. He turns to the three of them and mouths 'go'. 

Blindly, they nod and run off, leaving the strangers fate in the hands of Keith Kogane. Lance turns to the other two. "What the fuck was that?!" 

"You ok?" Pidge turns to Hunk, who nods a little. "I'm fine" he mumbles. "Good thing Keith was there then." 

Lance rolls his eyes. "Yeah, Keith the hero." 

"Alright Lance that's it! Keith just saved us from a robber who was about to kill us and you're still mad at him about some petty feud you once had with him!" When Pidge speaks, they speak with intimidation and rage. "Tomorrow, you are going to go over to him at lunch and thank him for helping us, ok? Even if it was a little weird he was there, so what? If it wasn't for him, we'd be dead. So the least we can do is say thanks and invite him to sit with us. Stop being so ungrateful!" 

Lance scoffs a little. "Fine. But he's still creepy." His stomach sinks as his brain comprehends his impending doom. All he can do now is get over and done with, quick and easy. But things never go to plan in this timeline...


	9. Chapter 9

We arrive at a scene in the canteen, the next day. Keith Kogane eats monotonously, toying with his food like how Death toys with humans. Next to him are Shiro and Adam, discussing details of a next date, what to wear, where to go to eat etc. They all look up as Lance approaches them, eyes stuck to the floor. "Uh, hey Keith."

Keith raises an eyebrow with a floating thought of doubt in his mind. "Hi." 

"Listen, we were wondering" Lance turns back to Pidge and Hunk, both furiously impatient and brimming with anticipation, "because, you know, you helped us out last night and all - we were wondering if you'd like to just sit with us. You can say no, if you want - not like we're forcing you to." Lance adds this last part very quickly, the most eager part of his proposal. 

"Oh. I think - " Keith is suddenly cut off by Shiro, who butts in as he says "Lance, Keith would love to have lunch with you guys." 

As they both silently roll their eyes at Shiro, Keith stands up and walks back over with Lance to their table where Pidge and Hunk are beaming with glee at their plan. "Hey man, thanks for saving our asses last night" Pidge says, popping a fry into their mouth. 

Hunk smiles and gets up, hugging Keith tightly. "Yeah, we could've died without you. Oh my god, we almost died." His face drops at this sudden realisation, still hugging Keith. 

This new and unusual experience makes Keith uneasy, almost teetering to paranoia. "What are you doing?" 

"What?" Hunk pulls away with a look of confusion. "It''s a hug. Do you not like them, I'm sorry I should've asked." 

Keith simply nods and murmurs "I haven't really been hugged before. I don't know what it's like." It's true. His mother soon learned that hugging him angered his father, made him think that Keith was going to be dependent on hugs and grow up to be some kind of snivelling wimp. The last time anyone ever embraced him like that was so long ago that the mere feeling of it had been wiped out from his memory. The hug almost inundated him with memories, memories of a childhood covered in scars and screams and, within it, sheer seconds of pity. The pity that had stopped him from becoming a psychopath. 

The trio look at each other, all sensing to some extent that this is a red flag. Unfortunately, Lance is the only one who doesn't realise that diplomacy and tact are necessary to such a conversation with Keith Kogane. "What, your parents never hug you?" 

"That's private" Keith snaps as he retreats back into his shell. "My life with my parents isn't anything to do with you." 

"Ok, geez I'm sorry. Well, at least your hair looks good now." Lance can feel the wrath of Pidge upon him as he stumbles for a compliment. 

Keith unconsciously reaches to where his mullet used to be. "Thanks" he mutters, picking up his tray to put away. 

"Wait!" Pidge calls out, making Keith turn around. "Look we just wanted to say thanks, and don't mind Lance because he's an idiot. You totally saved us and if you ever want to hang out with us or something, you're more than welcome." 

The sincerity of Pidge makes Keith's face morph into almost a happy one. Almost. He soon remembers his blank expression as he shrugs. "Ok. I'll see." He leaves, those last two enigmatic words piercing the air of the cafeteria.


	10. Chapter 10

Whenever Keith Kogane dreams, he dreams of a satisfaction that fulfils his primal hunger. He dreams in colour, of a searing red streaming from a hapless victim. Sometimes he can remember the face - a young man, an old woman, a child on their way to church. Always a stranger, always a new face. 

Occasionally there is even a backstory: they knock on his door asking for help, he charms them inside, they feel at ease as they sink into the couch. They do not hear the lock of the front door. The bliss blinds them from the twisted look on Keith's face or the hand fumbling into his pocket. But now, they look up at Keith, wondering what the next part of the story is. Their eyes widen as they see a knife and they scramble upwards. Maybe they plead or scream or try to fight him, but Keith is too quick. He grabs them from behind and shushes them soothingly as he slits their throat, marvelling in awe at the liquid pouring out onto the carpet. As their body thumps onto the floor, he sees his father standing in front of the body with a look of shock. An expression that twists Keith's spine and gives him shudders of pleasure that he cannot begin to comprehend. It is then that his alarm goes off and he must live another grey day.

He records every dream, his inner most thoughts in a little diary hidden from the whole world. He changes the location every week so that it is not easy to find. He is meticulous, and tries to piece dreams together. Why was this person young? Why does his father look so shocked? What are the feelings he feels, that he cannot achieve in reality? 

One morning however, he jolts awake with a drumming heartbeat and sweat rushing down his face. His dreams have never been so vivid. He knows why: he has broken the rule. There was no killing. There was no attempt, even. He remembers a pull towards the victim almost like a physical rope. As he writes the name, he writes with anger and spite for Keith Kogane does not like unconventionality. 

"Victim - Lance McClain."


	11. Chapter 11

We now find ourselves in the school library, where Keith Kogane is trying to put the dream behind him and focus more on his education - in this case, algebra. He is quiet, keeps his head down and does not look around to find anyone, does not wish to catch anyone's eye.

Another boy is there, but this time they are struggling. He feels lost, like the waves of work are crashing over him and engulfing him in a storm of confusion and hopelessness. There is only one solution here. 

Keith looks up for a brief second as Lance McClain sits opposite him, huffing at the situation he finds himself in. "Look, I'm just here because I saw you doing the homework and was wondering how you did question 5. Or any of the questions, really." 

"Ok" Keith nods. "You just use the method we were taught to divide polynomials, then see if your answer fits into the equation. Do you want me to walk you through them?" 

Lance gives in and nods, defeated by math once more. The two of them spend nearly half an hour on the problems, Keith going slowly and methodically while Lance tries to absorb as much of the information as possible without getting a migraine. 

Eventually, they work their way through and complete the task at hand. Keith goes back to his seat and begins to pack up before Lance begins to talk. "You know, I think that was the most I've ever heard you say. Like, ever." 

"I keep to myself." 

"Yeah, no shit Sherlock" Lance chuckles. "Hey, um, because Pidge won't stop going on about how you should hang out with us, do you," he sighs before continuing, "want to come to Nyma's party on Saturday? It's probably not your scene I know but it's the only way to shut up Pidge and I think Shiro's going." 

Keith pauses for what seems like the longest time in the universe before shrugging. "If it'll stop Pidge and Shiro from panicking, fine." 

"See you then" Lance smiles, the first time Keith has seen him smile. "And thanks for the help today." 

Grunting a response, Keith leaves to go back home. A party can be fun, but it can uncover some hidden truths as well.


	12. Chapter 12

Keith Kogane has rarely been to parties before. He is normally quiet at parties, determined not to drink or give anything away. He knows that people let their guards down. He knows people will listen to what he is saying there. At least this time, he has people like Shiro with him. People who won't care if he's not joining in.

He arrives with Shiro and Adam to the sound of pumping music and people laughing. He starts to question why he is even there - too many emotions make him feel uneasy, like there's a bubble separating him from the others. He looks up to see Shiro smiling at him in a proud way. "Go find Pidge and Hunk and Lance" Shiro says supportively, nudging Keith into the house. 

Keith wanders through the lights of the house, wanders through the giggles and the squeals and the brightness of the phones before finding Pidge sprawled out on a sofa next to Hunk. They glance and immediately open their eyes more. "KEITH! You made it!" 

Hunk beams and moves up so there's room for Keith. "I know Lance isn't here right now, probably trying to flirt with Nyma, but he's been talking about you coming all night. He literally didn't shut up until we got here. How are you, dude?" 

"I'm fine" Keith mumbles as he stares at the scene around him. 

Pidge raises a suspicious eyebrow. "Ok, we need to get you loosened up. I'll be right back" they clamber over Hunk and dash off towards the kitchen, returning triumphantly with a beer. They hand it over to Keith. "Come on, this isn't going to kill you." 

Reluctantly, Keith takes a sip and sets it down on the coffee table in front of them. "I don't drink" he says monotonously. 

"Hey no worries dude" Hunk chips in, "it's cool. We heard you and Lance were having a little library date the other day." 

"I don't consider it a date. I just helped him out with some work. That was it." 

Pidge rolls their eyes. "Ok fine. Just a 'study session' then." They laugh with Hunk at the air quotes, a joke that flies right over Keith's head. 

Keith needs to escape. He feels uncomfortable with all of this, all the laughter and the jokes and the atmosphere so he excuses himself to find a bathroom upstairs, avoiding all the loved-up couples. He stumbles into a room, where two people are clearly making out. He mumbles, "sorry" before stopping. There is a familiar face in there. There is a face of someone he knows, and a stranger. The familiar face glances at Keith with surprise and terror as Keith utters one simple word: "Shiro?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates to this story will be now one chapter every Thursday


	13. Chapter 13

"Shit, shit, shit" Shiro mutters as he dashes out the room, the other boy left dumbstruck and confused. "Keith, fuck - I didn't mean for you to see that, I'm sorry." He babbles for some time as Keith Kogane wraps his brain around what he just saw.

"Shiro, who was that with you?" 

Shiro sighs and leads Keith outside, not wanting anyone else to hear them. "That was Curtis, I don't know if you've ever met him or not." 

"Why were you kissing him? Why wasn't it Adam?" 

Desponding over the right answer, Shiro settles on "look, Adam and I haven't really been doing that well recently and well, Curtis was always there for me when I wasn't feeling great or when Adam and I had a fight and he's really nice and actually really cute so I thought why not? I know I'm a complete dick but the heart wants what it wants, right?" He braces himself, ready for anger or shouting or hatred or loathing or even violence. Instead he gets none of those. 

With such a warped view of what love is, Keith has no real idea of Shiro's morals and ethics concerning anything like this. If Shiro wants Curtis, shouldn't he get what he wants? All he does is shrug and say, "ok." 

Shiro furrows his brow and frowns slightly. "That's it? Just an 'ok'?" 

"Did you want me to say anything else?" 

He scoffs at Keith. "I don't know, I just wasn't expecting you to seem so calm after you caught me cheating on my boyfriend of two years! I was expecting a reaction of some kind, like being angry or asking me more questions. Keith, aren't you concerned of what I'm doing? Do you care about your friends?! I don't know how to get through to you sometimes, Jesus Christ." His voice rises with every sentence, making Keith shut down and bolt his emotions. 

Keith frowns a tiny bit as well, irritated by what he beliefs to be irrational frustration on Shiro's part. "I honestly don't know what else to say except look behind you." 

"Wha-oh no" the colour drains from Shiro's face as he sees Adam, poor Adam crying and shaking. One look and he knows Adam has heard everything that Shiro said to Keith. He knows Adam will never forgive him, but he must try. As Adam flees, he runs after as he tries to make amends.

And so, Keith is left alone. He reviews the evening so far. He hated the music, hated having alcohol thrust in his face, saw his best friend kiss someone other than his boyfriend, got shouted at by said-friend and watched the remnants of a relationship burn before his very eyes. Keith decides to never try a party again, as he returns home. He will not be missed, he thinks. Not an opinion shared by everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I said Thursdays. Yes it's Wednesday. I won't be able to post tomorrow so I'm posting early.


	14. Chapter 14

As Keith Kogane leaves, one boy scans the room from afar with an expression of curiosity and confusion. He moves over to his friends, brow furrowed. "Hey, you guys know where Keith went? Thought he was here."

Pidge rolls over to glance at Lance, glazed eyes. "Uhhh, saw him come downstairs with Shiro. Then Hunk was showing me something on his phone and POOF, Keith disappeared." Their eyes narrow with suspicion. "Why do you care so much? I thought you said you two were rivals or something ridiculous like that." 

"What, no I don't care" Lance quickly says, in an attempt to brush off his persistent questions. "I just thought it'd be cool if he showed up, you know. Plus he's so serious all the time, it'd be funny to see him high or drunk or anything." 

"Good luck with that" Hunk suddenly pipes up, "he doesn't drink. Only took one little sip of beer."

Lance's face falls a little but he tries to put the mask back on. "Seems like something he'd do." 

Pidge laughs, their laugh echoing around the living room. "Why are you so invested in this dude's life? I thought you liked Nyma, not Keith." 

"Ohhhhh, does Lance have a crush on Keith?" Hunk looks at Lance in a strangely bewildered face. "Good on you buddy." 

"What?? No no no I do not have a crush on Keith - no way! God no, I like Nyma and her only. Nobody else." 

The duo next to him exchange looks of disbelief. "Sure thing" Pidge says sarcastically and monotonously before continuing their enthusiastic and argumentative debate with Hunk about the best m&ms.

The rest of the evening flies by for Lance. He drinks, he laughs, he chats with vigour but there's always a nagging question on the back of his mind. Why does he bring up Keith so much? Why does he think about Keith every day - is it an obsession? For one fleeting moment, Lance worries it is an addiction and something that could take over his life, something that could make him spiral out of control. He calms himself, he solely sees Keith as a friend. He thinks. Why does Keith make his stomach tighten every time they meet? Maybe it's because he's new and Lance is still irritated by Keith for their first encounter. The word 'butterflies' is thrown around and discarded. He does not have a crush on Keith Kogane, it's simply not true. Nothing will ever change that, no matter what fate has in store for him. Right, Lance? 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again folks, we're diving into the Kogane life so there are trigger warnings for domestic abuse and angst. Don't read it if you find that stuff too upsetting or violent for your story. Thanks!

As Keith Kogane stumbles home a few nights later, he slips in and scans the room. He cannot see his father. That does not mean the danger has gone. His eyes lock with his mother's. A weak, ghost of a smile twists his lips as he looks at her with as much kindness as he can fathom. If he has not been shown kindness, what is there to work off of? At once, it vanishes. His mother gives him frantic looks and shakes her head, mouthing to him to go upstairs. Keith furrows his brow and realises what day it is. Thursday. The worst or best day of the week. The day where there's horse racing, where his father has something to live for. Either his horse wins and he smiles and laughs at his son, or he loses money and hell seems to spring in the house.

"Dammnit!" Keith hears. A rough voice curses quietly before walking into the kitchen, scowling at the other two. "Why haven't you started dinner yet?" He glares at his wife as if she is an insidious newt. "Fucking make it already - and don't fucking burn it like last time!" 

His wife stands up, muttering at a volume just above silence "I didn't burn it." This is where life meets death. 

"What the fuck did you just say?" Keith's father sees red, grasps his wife by the arm and squeezes it tightly. "Don't ever talk back to me or I will kill you, you understand? I will make it look like an accident and find a better wife, one who doesn't always burn THE DAMN FOOD!" He raises a hand and slaps her once across the face, the air pierced by the sharpness of it followed by a gasp of pain. 

It becomes too much for Keith Kogane. He walks up to his father, feeling the wrath in him rise as he tears his father's hand away from her arm. "Don't touch her!" 

His father chuckles slightly. "Well, looks like there's another man in the house, isn't there? Someone to stand up to your precious mother. Tell you what, if you're such a man, why don't you come with me" he grabs Keith and drags him towards the door, "and live on your own. And don't you dare come back tonight or you won't recognise your face in the mirror." He slams the door and locks it, leaving Keith out on the street. 

Well. This is quite the predicament. Keith curses for not having a key, and frowns as he realises that it is cold. The best thing to do is to walk, so he does. He walks throughout town, glancing at whatever neon monstrosity is in front of him. He weaves in between couples on a romantic date, haggard men and women traipsing home from work, fresh-faced teens who think they're rebellious when they try pot or come home slightly slurring. The same people he has seen in every town he's lived in. He pauses suddenly and stops outside of a picturesque little coffee shop, the likes of which he's never seen. He's drawn to it by the laughing families and the mouth-watering drinks and the swells and falls of the music. Secretly, he yearns for something like that - a safe haven for him. Thus, the bell rings once more as another customer steps foot into the utopia of coffee and pastries.


	16. Chapter 16

Lance McClain can hardly believe it when his next customer is the same mullet from school, still with the same frown and everything. They lock eyes for a second and Lance smiles. "Wow, hey Keith. Didn't expect to see you here" he chuckles at his own joke. "Anyways, what would you like?"

"Oh, hi" Keith mumbles. "Just a black coffee please. Not a fan of any of that sugary stuff." It's a desperate attempt to make small talk, he knows it. 

The barista ignores this, he understands how customers like Keith just want their caffeine. "Alright, one black coffee coming up" Lance beams, turning around to make it for Keith. He whips round a moment later and hands the piping hot coffee to the other boy. "Here you go. Actually, my shift's about to end, mind if I join you?" 

Keith shrugs, not seeing any danger. "Ok, sure." They both sit down at a nearby table, Keith sipping on his coffee and sighing with much-needed content. 

Lance seizes the opportunity he's been waiting for. "So, I saw you at the party briefly. What was going on with Shiro and Adam?" 

"It was nothing" Keith responds sharply. It's the response that has been drilled into his brain for years if anyone interrogates him, the response etched since infancy. "They're just going through a rough time." 

This tone makes Lance frown. He needs to set the record straight. "Keith, I don't know what you think of me but I'm sorry if I'm acting cold or anything, or if I'm acting like a dick. I was just grumpy the first few days of school. You seem nice, and Pidge and Hunk like you. Can we just put this behind us and become friends?" His smile becomes more hopeful and more genuine, it's hard not to accept his offer. 

Putting dow his coffee, Keith pauses for a moment before nodding nonchalantly. "Ok, we can be friends." It's a bittersweet win for Lance. He gets what he wants but with little zeal or enthusiasm. 

"Alright, cool. Finally friends with the enigmatic Keith. Maybe I'll grow a mullet like you" he chuckles, then shudders at the thought of him with a mullet. A thought pops into Lance's head and he checks his watch. "Shit, Keith I gotta get home. My mom's gonna kill me plus I need beauty sleep" Something doesn't add up in his head as he eyes Keith Kogane with concern. "You're going home soon, right? It's 11:00."

"Yeah" Keith nods. "I just wanted a coffee first and this place sounded good." 

Lance grins. "Well, I would hope so. People do say I make the best damn coffees for miles. Anyways, see you at school. Oh wait. You know since we're friends and all." Lance leaves his number on a nearby napkin, and glances at Keith one last time before walking out, leaving Keith once alone. 

Where to now? He can't stay in the cafe all night, he can't come back home. There's only one option. Stuffing the napkin in his pocket, he trudges to a familiar house. A safe space for him that used to be his haven. He knocks on the door as an old friend emerges. Keith utters simple words of weakness: "Can I stay the night?" He is soon ushered in and the door shuts behind him.


	17. Chapter 17

As Keith Kogane looks up at Shiro, he can already sense the first question in Shiro's mind. He braces for it, the rolodex of excuses whirring in his mind constantly.

"So," Shiro inevitably asks, "where are your mom and dad tonight?" 

The question that he always asks, Keith thinks. The question that deserves honesty but will never get it. Keith shrugs and mumbles, "they're out tonight and thought it'd be better for me to stay with a friend." 

Shiro doesn't quite believe it, but his friendship with Keith is strenuous enough as it is so he doesn't probe further. Plus, he hasn't exactly been the most truthful lately. All he does is nod and say "ok, well feel free to stay the night." 

Keith mutters words of thanks and he follows Shiro up to his room, sensing Shiro wanted to talk. The room has always felt like a place where Keith can show a sliver of emotion without that impulse to cover it up. They sit on Shiro's bed as the silence becomes thick and tedious. Someone has to break it. Someone does. "How are you and Curtis?" 

Seemingly surprised, Shiro lifts his head up. Keith doesn't normally ask questions that seem personal. "Uh, well it's kind of complicated. We're giving each a bit of space at the minute, what with Adam and all." There's strain in Shiro's voice as he says Adam's name. "But, I really really like Curtis and I'm hoping for something long. Something during college or just something to last the rest of this long year" he chuckles slightly. "What about you? I haven't seen you since the party, is everything ok?" 

"Yep" Keith instantaneously responds. Rule number one: always say the bare minimum. 

But, Shiro being Shiro, he decided to dig deeper. "Anything.....romantic?" He pleads silently for a yes, begging for something in this boy's life to give him purpose. It's been such a long time since anything like this happened, the last time when Keith was twelve. 

Keith rolls his eyes a little and sharply says "no." As soon as Shiro said romance, his mind was racing back to when he was twelve and the shouting and the apologies and how hurt he had felt. He had sworn after that incident never to feel attraction again. And so far it's been working. Nothing in his mind to distract him from survival. 

Shiro lets out a quiet but disappointed sigh and tries another approach. "You know you can talk to me whenever you want to, Keith. If something's bothering you, I'm here and I won't tell anyone." 

"You tell me that every time" Keith mutters, starting to stand up. "Nothing is happening. I told you, my parents are jus tout tonight." Sensing there would be more interrogation, he 'yawns' and makes his way into the guest room - but not before saying "goodnight Shiro" over his shoulder as he leaves. 

Now Shiro is helpless. It is truly like getting blood out of a stone. Wait, no that would be easier. As he tries to fall asleep that night, all Shiro can think of is giving Keith a push in the right direction. He vows to himself, if he can lift one weight off of Keith's shoulders, that would be enough.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is mainly influenced by an instagram artist named creantzy, with their comic Painted Rivalry. Cannot recommend enough and I highly think y'all should go check it out if you haven't already.

As another day passes by in this dreary little town, thus another night beckons. The sky becomes sombre and the air sets in a macabre way. This can only mean one thing for Lance McClain: another mundane shift at the second home for him. Although some may think he is annoyed at all these shifts, it it not too much of a burden for Lance. The hours are decent tonight, his coworkers are jovial and they all have little quips ready. Plus, it always helps when the result is lucrative. All in all, it's not a job he despises.

It's always a feeling of relief and sadness when Lance finishes. The feeling is almost one of homesickness, strange as that sounds. But, it's dominated by the exhaustion Lance feels as he traipses home - this time taking a detour through the local park. He thinks the park has an aura of magic at night, a sense of otherworldliness. This is bewitching hour, this is when the spirits (if you can call them that) come out to be merry and festive. As he admires the beauty around him, an unfamiliar sound makes him stop. A voice from a distance, one that's deep and rich and sings a song he knows. 

He peers round a nearby bush and almost gasps when he sees such a recognised haircut. It can't be but it most certainly is. The boy from yesterday, a certain Kogane. It's him, there in plain sight with a guitar and singing 'Radioactive'. Lance realises how soothing the voice is, how nimble and delicate his fingers are. 

And suddenly, the boy is in a trance. All he can do is stare and stare at this raven-haired boy singing softly. Little does Lance know this is Keith's escape. Lance knows he should be heading home - it is almost midnight after all. Yet, his feet seem to have a mind of their own - they refuse to move. Like Echo with Narcissus, Lance is hypnotised by the melody and the notes this delinquent seems to sing. The thoughts running through Lance's head are endless at this point: so many unconscious thoughts come bubbling up to the surface. He dreams of running away with this boy, capturing him so Keith may sing to him for all eternity, locking that voice away like Ursula did with Ariel. Alas, the boy is far too naïve to understand what these feelings are really about. 

When Keith begins to fidget around on the bench, Lance blinks and immediately the spell is lifted. He sprints away from Keith and the impounding thoughts, denying any thought of being struck by Cupid's arrow. But, once it's there, the arrow sticks for all eternity. 

Tonight, Keith thought he was playing for an empty audience. He does not, and will never, realise how his audience grew tonight. He will never know how his music will affect the dreams and vivid memories of a particular Cuban boy. That is Lance's intention and he is firm to stick by it.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so this chapter is on a Wednesday tonight because I can't do tomorrow because I'm seeing my sister in her school play
> 
> So please enjoy this one-off day early chapter...

Eventually Lance McClain stumbles into the surprisingly quiet household he has grown up, conscious not to make a peep or he will face the wrath of the matriarch of the house. As he tiptoes upstairs, he mistakenly glosses over an eye peeping at him behind a door. The haven of his room draws him closer and closer until he shuts the door, the weight of the day and the last 30 minutes behind him. Now, he can just sleep and forget all about that. Did it even happen? Are we sure it wasn't just something he was daydreaming about, or something he made up in his mind?

Whilst these thoughts cloud his mind, another figure walks into the room - this time a tall girl with similar features to Lance except with glasses. "Hey stranger" she smiles as she flops down on Lance's bed. "How was work?" 

"Urghh" Lance McClain sighs, "long. And there was one woman complaining for 10 minutes about how I messed up her order of skinny fat milk. That's not even a thing!" 

"Is that why you're so late?" Veronica asks, a smug grin stretching across her mouth. "Did you spend too long trying to distract her by flirting and telling her how blue her eyes are?" 

Once again the thought of Keith Kogane pushes right to the front of Lance's mind as he shakes his head. "No I just wanted to take the long route home tonight." He looks up at his sister and smiles warmly, almost a sign of how tired this boy really is. 

"Alright, well I'll see you tomorrow. Oh Acxa might be coming round after school so don't say anything dumb" she chuckles, springing upwards and walking towards the door. 

This is when Lance seizes his chance. After all, it is now or never. "Wait" he says pleadingly. "I wanted to ask something." 

Well. This is new to Veronica. Lance asking her for advice? "Oh. Yeah sure, what's up?" 

Time to bite the bullet. "I just wanted to ask" he pauses and sighs briefly, "how did you know you were into girls? Like I know it's gradual and all, but what made you want to come out?" 

"Wow, good question. I don't know, I just thought of me kissing a guy and couldn't picture it. I remember having a crush on this girl and I just wanted to run away and get married with her - pretty dramatic, I know. I just didn't want to spend the rest of my life with any of the boys at school and whenever my friends talked about boys, that's how I felt about this girl. Like she was special and I would do anything for her." Veronica becomes quiet, the tension as thick as a halfwit. "Lance, are you...?" 

"WHAT? No, no no no no" he laughs nervously. "No I-I'm not gay. I like girls." Lance nods confidently then hangs his head with a shameful tone. "It's just that there's a guy in my year and he seems nice and I don't know, everything becomes smaller when I'm with him. Like, I forget everything else in my life because of him. It's probably just a stupid crush. I just don't know how to get over him or what to do. He's in my head everyday." The smile becomes one of vulnerability, weakness and helplessness.

Veronica moves closer to her brother as she speaks these words of advice. "Lance, if you feel that way about him, just tell him. You don't want a mound of regret when you leave in a couple of years. People appreciate honesty, I mean that's how I got Acxa to go on a date with me in the first place." She checks the clock upon Lance's bookshelf and frowns. "Go to bed and tell him in the morning. Trust me, it's better than letting it fester away in your soul." She certainly has a way with words, I'll give you that. 

Touched by her advice, Lance's smile grows and he nods. "Ok, yeah sounds good. Goodnight, Veronica." 

"Goodnight Lance" she says as she leaves, feeling proud of her little brother and happy for him but there is a shared feeling between the two: anxiety for Lance's secret.


	20. Chapter 20

Of course, we begin our next chapter of Keith Kogane's life at school sans the boy in question. Instead, it's Lance McClain we focus on as he approaches Shiro with a naïve sense of confidence. He taps the older boy on the shoulder and beams as the two meet eye to eye, both a little surprised this is happening at all.

"Uh Lance, hey" Shiro blurts out. "Everything ok?" He turns back and smiles softly at the third boy with them, a little hint they may need some time as a duo instead. 

"Actually, I may need your advice on something" Lance says enigmatically, the two of them moving somewhere more private. "First off, I'm sorry about you and Adam." 

Shiro shakes his head in an almost paternal sense. "Lance, there's nothing to be sorry for. We just.... realised we weren't the right match for one another" he smiles bravely, convincing himself and Lance it was for the best. "Anyway, what did you need my help with? Schoolwork weighing on you already?" 

"Oh. No, not really. I had a personal question to ask you. Does, um, is Keith straight?" As soon as he says those words, his stomach twists in on itself with regret and anxiety as Lance clenches his fist to soothe himself. 

Shiro's eyes widen at the question, his eyebrows shooting up and up his forehead. He collects himself and stutters "well, that certainly wasn't a question I was expecting anytime soon. He does, I think - yeah no he definitely does but um," the hesitation becomes more and more agonising at this point, "he hasn't done anything romantic or even near-romantic since he was 12. I think we all know he's not a very open person." 

Lance nods in agreement. "So what happened back then? 'Cause I don't want to upset him or anything." 

"It's really not my place" Shiro says uneasily, "I think Keith should be the one to tell you. Not me." 

"Ah. Well thanks Shiro." Lance McClain starts to wander off when the voice of Shiro pierces through the air. 

"Wait!" Shiro jogs up to Lance. "Look, I wasn't done. What I was going to say was that I think someone should maybe break the sort of abstinence pact Keith has, and I think you seem like a good person for him. I've seen him helping you in the library, I know you two enjoy each other's company." He ignores the blush on the Cuban boy's face at this point. "And listen, I know Keith. Mostly. He needs someone to warm up to, desperately. And before you say it, he's too oblivious to realise anything like that so do it soon Lance. For his sake and yours." Shiro smiles at probably his wisest words he has ever spoken, then departs to find the sweet Curtis and leave a determined and bold Lance McClain. Thus, the lover's journey continues.


	21. Chapter 21

This burden on Lance McClain's shoulders that weighs as much as all the world is beginning to eat him up after a while. It gradually takes over every other remaining thought in the boy's head until it dominates the mind, much to the annoyance (and admittedly pleasure) of Lance. As soon as that last pivotal bell rings, he taps on Keith Kogane's shoulder thrice and issues a meeting of the highest urgency, pulling the other boy outside of the classroom.

"Ok, what is it?" Keith looks at Lance with a mixture of frustration and curiosity, naturally trying to keep the latter part subdued. 

Lance laughs nervously and stutters away, "uhh, well you know what, I'm just going to say it - I like you, Keith. A lot. And I know we're friends and all and it's probably the most cliché thing I could say right now but I want to be more than friends with you. Maybe, I don't know, replace the friendship with a relationship. It's stupid, I know, but I don't want to think of you as simply a buddy. So, what do you say?" His face is by now the colour of a plump strawberry as the pain of embarrassment almost bowls him over. 

Immediately, Keith begins thinking about the last time something like this happened, back all those many years ago when he was simply twelve. It was the last time he trusted someone with the secret of his home, and look how that turned out. It made him swear off everything romantic all together - he could not bear the risk of losing the loose bond in his family. He snaps back in, suddenly wearing a look of confusion and uneasiness as he stares at the Cuban boy's eager face. All he can produce are little sounds, not even syllables or words. 

Well, this is a new sight for Lance and certainly not one he is hoping for. He has never seen Keith this disturbed or flustered by anything and it's upsetting clearly for the both of them. "Whoa, Keith it's fine" he blurts out, trying not to say anything else damaging. "It was stupid, of course this is too much pressure and I'm being way too in-your-face about it all. God, I'm an idiot for expecting you to say yes, I'm sorry about this. Listen, forget about it, please? I-It never happened and i'm sorry about making you feel uncom - " he's cut off from his rambling by a sharp "Lance." 

"Lance" Keith says once, desperate to shut the other boy up so he can finally speak. "You don't need to apologise so much, I was just taken aback. And," he shrugs, a slight smile on his face, "I'll think about it and let you know, ok? Probably text you or something, I don't know, but I need to go so..." and he turns around and walks away. Always one to end a conversation gracefully. 

Poor Lance McClain. "I'll think about it." He knows that's code for rejection and dismissal, that's been the code every single time. Looking at his phone with one shred of hope for a last minute text, he sighs heavily and traipses home with the soul-crushing emotion of defeat pressing down on him. Such a shame for our loverboy - wouldn't you agree?


	22. Chapter 22

Here we find ourselves, readers. With Keith Kogane all alone in his room, the weight of the worlds heaving down on his shoulders. He thinks of the conversation he had with Lance McClain earlier and Lance's sweet words - how he liked Keith. It would be touching if Keith had ever heard those words without the dripping tone of sarcasm. He winces slightly at the thought of the last time that happened, the memory sharp and dull like a hammer to the brain.

God it's an absolute conundrum for him. When he's with Lance, he feels... different. Like someone muted the noise in his head and replaced it with the voice of Lance - with that slight accent coming through every now and then. It's like music flowing through his mind, a soft hum to block out the discord and chaos surrounding his every breath. 

He shakes those thoughts out of his mind. What is he doing, he thinks. He can't do that again, make that same mistake, let his guard down again. Has he already forgotten the pain he felt the last time, how he hurt and hurt himself for even thinking he could ever feel love? He chides himself for momentarily forgetting the shouts and the hits and the look of pure terror he saw on his mother's face that fateful night, the look that made him swear off anything of the sort again. How could he be that stupid?? 

But, wait. He is older now, less naïve and he's learnt a lot these past few years. He's learnt what type of person someone is from the first thing they say, the worst mistakes of alcohol, why people should never roam the streets at night and he's learnt not to meddle in anything too serious. And, he thinks cautiously, maybe his family shouldn't be his first priority every single day. Maybe, he should. Just for once. It wouldn't hurt anyone and besides, it's about time. Why can't he have one thing just for him, like his little toy hippo when he was a baby? Just one thing, or rather person that isn't bad about his world. 

And who knows, he thinks with a fleeting shrug, maybe Lance is that one person. Lance does make Keith's heart pull in his direction, makes him drop his facade for a second. Lance can see past the walls and barricades, and he wants Keith. That's good, Keith reminds himself. It will not be like before. Keith knows better. 

The thought swirling through Keith's mind make him careless, make him not as aware as he perhaps should've been. In a moment, he has one final thought: 'what's the worst that could happen?' He then pulls out his phone and texts six simple words to Lance, the words Lance has been waiting for all this time: 

"Ok, I'll go out with you."


	23. Chapter 23

At the same time as Keith Kogane's soliloquy, we move to a very different scene: one with actual socialisation. Lance McClain is currently on Skype with Pidge and Hunk, all three discussing trivial subjects like garlic knots and the next party to attend which means what attire to wear. Although Lance was sombre at first, he soon cheers up at the mention of Matt Holt's latest way he nearly burned the house down, laughing merrily at the thought of his mother yelling at Matt for trying to burn marshmallows in his room. They're topics of conversation adults yearn to reminisce about and very threads that can hold friendships together. All of a sudden, his phone buzzes and his eyes widen when he sees the text, yelling at the top of his lungs in excitement, "HOLY SHIT!"

The snorts and giggles of the other two can be heard as Lance's mother exclaims a short "Language!" 

"You, uh, you want to explain what that was about?" Hunk asks, an eyebrow raised as he speaks. "Ok, so" Lance says, drawing his captive audience in, "I kind of asked Keith out earlier but he said no, well no he said maybe but maybe always means no, but just then he said yes!! He actually wants to go out with me." The grin as this sets in on Lance becomes bigger and bigger, one of pride. 

Pidge is the first of the two to speak, quickly saying "wow Lance that's great." with Hunk soon backing them up. 

Lance smiles down at his phone warmly. "Yeah, I mean I feel over the moon right now but" he chuckles nervously, "I guess I'm a little scared he said yes. I mean, I could mess this up in so many ways and if I did, that'd be worse than anything I've ever done." He looks sincerely at the other two on his laptop. "Guys, I think I really do like Keith." 

"Well" Pidge pipes up, "we're glad for you and knowing you, you'll be fine. After all, you're Lance McClain. Girls swoon over you all the time and cut each other up just to sit in your presence." They chuckle as Lance rolls his eyes. 

Clearing his throat in a purposeful way, Hunk speaks up. "Listen dude, I just gotta say: I know you like those fast relationships but this one I think just has to be nice and slow. You know, let it run its natural course and all. Keith doesn't seem like the kind of guy who wants things to be all fast - but then again, not like I really know the guy." 

"Yeah, good idea Hunk" Lance smiles, quickly looking at the time and sighing heavily. "Well, I need my beauty sleep for one lucky boy tomorrow but I'll see you two at school." They all say goodnight and Lance ends the call. 

Before he shuts his eyes to dream, Lance glances down at his phone one last time, letting his heart do a little leap of joy when he reads the text. It's official now. Keith Kogane is giving him a chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so the chapters have been getting shorter recently and I’m sorry about that - I just have a lot going on right now but I promise that these chapters will always be full of exciting and (hopefully) original content


	24. Chapter 24

The two boys find themselves talking more over phone, both (a little reluctantly at first) admitting some feelings for each other and both feeling some form of happiness when the other admits. It's rare to see Lance McClain these days without a dopey grin on his face as the feeling of euphoria keeps hitting him in waves every time his phone vibrates. Eventually, they work up the courage to plan a 'date' together and, because Lance is so persuasive, they arrange it at Keith Kogane's house much to his dismay.

And thus, dear audience, the scene is set. As Lance examines Keith's room scrupulously and Keith prays to any deity that it all goes smoothly, everything seems normal. It all seems like a normal family environment to Lance, just your typical stereotype of a family. It's only a matter of minutes though before the shouting starts and the duo can easily hear the argument from upstairs. They uncomfortably listen in on the rough male voice screaming at the timid female voice before Keith can take it no longer and suggests the two of them should maybe go out and get away from the house. Lance soon agrees before lighting up with an idea - he knows the perfect place to take Keith. 

After following Lance through several small streets and winding his way through what seems like crowds of people, Keith looks back and snorts a little at where there are. "Of course," he thinks, "Lance took me to the arcade." 

Lance's eyes light up at every single neon sign and kid giggling with a prize but it's not until they reach one particular game that he gasps and smirks at his 'date'. "Hey, Keith. I bet you're hiding some dancing talent deep down there, care to prove it?" 

Keith's eyes dart as he takes into account all these people here who could be watching him, and shakes his head. "Maybe you should show me how it's done?" he asks innocently, subtly shoving Lance towards Dance Dance Revolution. 

Lance rolls his eyes and agrees, leaving Keith on the sidelines watching this boy dance with gusto and brio he has never seen before. Hardy has there ever been a time, he ponders, when he has seem someone perform a task with this much electricity. Keith Kogane is, to sum it up, hypnotised by the footwork of the Cuban boy in front of him. The concentration and investment this boy puts in is astonishing and, although Keith refuses to admit it, his heart feels bigger and more full of pride watching him play this game he so dearly loves. 

As Lance steps off the board, he beams at his new highest score. Quickly, he turns around and eagerly asks, "did you like it?" 

"Um, yeah." Keith smiles, unable to hide how impressed he is by Lance. Or maybe it's how much he admires Lance's care for the game. 

Throughout the night, the two spend time laughing, playing arcade games - Lance is blown away at one point by how good Keith is at the motorcycle games - and there's even one or two laughs from Keith, who finds himself a little surprised by how much he has enjoyed the night. He's ever alert but still finds time to be in the moment occasionally. 

"Well," Lance says awkwardly towards midnight, "I guess it's getting late. Talk tomorrow?" 

Keith nods and the two depart. When Keith walks away, he hears a "Wait!" behind him. He turns and sees Lance running towards him with all the prizes he won that night. 

"Sorry, I'm bad at this" the boy chuckles as he fishes around in his prize collection, eventually pulling up a soft red hippo. "Here." He holds it towards Keith, a little embarrassed. "You know, because you always wear red and Shiro told me you like hippos." 

Almost beaming on the inside, Keith takes it. He thanks Lance gratefully and they soon again part ways. Almost unconsciously, Keith clutches the hippo like his dearest possession all the way home, the hippo acting as his closest friend and trusted companion. That night, he sleeps well with the memories of today swirling and the hippo keeping him safe.


	25. Chapter 25

Whilst Keith Kogane goes home safe in the warmth of his new companion, Lance McClain has a very different experience on his way home, thoughts in his head swirling around like blood in water. The main emotion right now is ecstasy, that pure feeling one only experiences with a true love or a new family member. One could argue that this will be the happiest Lance will feel for a long time. Maybe.

As he reminisces about the night - and his amazing dance moves - he tries to remember Keith's face as much as he can throughout the night. Was he happy? Was Lance making him ever feel uncomfortable? Did it all go according to plan? Some thought do stay in Lance's head, sticking to the very corners of Lance's brain and refusing to budge. What happened at Keith's house? Those aren't noises he hears at his house, nor Pidge's, nor Hunk's. These thoughts bring up one word for Lance, a troubling word: discord. 

The longer he thinks about this, the more bad ideas creep to the surface. Come to think of it, he thinks, the family dynamic seemed to be almost non-existent. Like they were just a group of people living together rather than what a family is meant to be. And all the shouting. The abundance of arguing seemed like they couldn't stand each other. It makes him wonder how Keith Kogane copes, or how anyone in that family can live in such a hostile environment. And, he ponders as he frowns to himself, why did Keith look so surprised at such a small toy? Sure, Lance would have expected him to be nonchalant, or even just apathetic. But, the look of surprise at such a tiny gift seems to baffle Lance in this moment. Why would anyone ever feel surprised at such a small thing? It is just a toy, after all. 

But, Lance realises, he has to stop himself. As he opens his front door and walks into the cosy McClain household, he kicks himself in the head for trying to judge and scrutinise a different family. All families fight, all families fall out from time to time. Maybe Lance just caught them on a rough day, who knows? He has never understood Keith Kogane, why should he suddenly be able to understand his family life? Comparing every family to his is what he's done for years, always comparing himself to others. Lance thinks he finally understands - he needs to stop snooping in on different families and simply focus on his own. Who cares what Keith's family is like as long as he's with Keith? That last thought makes his heart flip slightly as the fact it was their first date hits him with new feelings of euphoria and being over the moon. It was after all a perfect night. 

As somewhere Keith Kogane dreams peacefully with a stuffed hippo held onto for dear life, Lance McClain too doses off. He remembers all the fun he had that day, and all the smiles he saw on that other boy's face. He shushes the tiny, trivial thought about how abnormal his family is and dreams that night of the perfect boy and the perfect second date to treat him with.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all, I am so sorry about the delay this week - I've been really stressed out and exams, you know? As an apology (and because I will be absent next Thursday), here are two new chapters for you....

The next day, breaking from his routine of sitting with Pidge and Hunk at lunch, Lance McClain sidles up right next to Keith Kogane and smirkily asks "how's it going?"

Keith gives him a strange look and mumbles "um, fine?" before turning back to his conversation with Shiro and Curtis. He has never been one for small talk, after all. 

Noticing the slightly hurt expression on Lance's face, Shiro smiles sympathetically at him, saying "it's nice to see you again, Lance." This prompts a look of pride from Lance - it's not every day one of your high school heroes recognises you and greets you personally. 

As he listens in on the trio's conversation, it soon becomes too dull for him - all about space and aeronautical something-or-other. His eyes drift away from the situation and focus on something much more preferable: Keith's face. He tries hard not to seem weird or obsessed with Keith, sneaking peeks at the other boy's face every now and then. It is when Keith rolls up his sleeve that Lance frowns a little. He notices a purple tinge on Keith's arm, the hue looking angry and possessive - like it has latched onto Keith and refuses to let go. Lance brushes the thought away but it returns when he glances down at the rips in Keith's jeans and notices a similar green monstrous bruise on Keith's thigh. 

Thoughts run and dash through Lance's mind, nausea builds in his stomach as he tries not to picture what he has just seen. Questions dance across the surface of Lance's brain, every single worst case scenario screaming at him. 

It all builds up until Shiro frowns, asking if Lance is ok. Uneasily, Lance smiles and nods and tries his best to look happy. But it is hard to be happy given what he just saw. All he wants to do now is try to help Keith and get to the bottom of the abnormal colouring on that boy's body. 

Eventually lunch must come to an end and, as they are all stacking their trays away, Keith pulls Lance to one side. "Finally" Lance thinks to himself, "he'll tell me what's going on." 

"Hey, I've been thinking" Keith admits quietly, "and I did have fun yesterday. And if you're up to it, I wouldn't mind some more time. Just the two of us. If that's what you want, that is" 

And as quickly as he can, Lance McClain forgets all about the bruises as this new feeling of joy and being over-the-moon floods his whole body. "Y-Uhhh, yes yeah of course" he chuckles nervously. "I'd love to, at some time. Well, not love you know but I'd, um, I'd like to." He smiles hopefully at Keith, praying that wasn't enough to scare him away. 

"Ok" Keith says, smiling a little. "I'll let you know when's best for me." 

Well readers, I think it's safe to say it's a date (as they do say).


	27. Chapter 27

So, after many discussions via technological advances and little rendez-vous's at school, the plan is decided for the next....well, the next date I suppose. Nothing fancy (as per Keith's requests) but something cosy (as per Lance's).

We open on Keith standing outside Lance's door, not dressed in anything fancy - just a jacket and jeans. After knocking, he hears a "I'LL GET IT!!!" and feet thumping on stairs as the door swings open. Keith is met with a girl not much taller than him, skinny, definitely related to Lance in one way or another. She has on teal glasses and a suspicious expression, slowly turning into a cunning one. "You're here for Lance, aren't you? Ohhhh" she realises, "you're Keith. Finally." 

"Yep." Keith nods at this McClain before stepping inside. "So, is Lance here?" 

"Oh he's just getting ready. You really must be special, I could smell the aftershave from my room." She laughs teasingly as a flustered Lance practically flies down the stairs, shoving his older sister out of the way. 

He catches his breath whilst glaring at Veronica, awkwardly smiling at Keith afterwards. "Hi! Sorry about not being down here and for leaving you with her. Never listen to a word she says. Ever. You want to come upstairs?" Before Keith gets a chance to respond, Lance is almost shoving him upstairs. Keith notices, as he is dragged upstairs, little versions of Lance and Veronica peering at him, some even giggling. He could never imagine having this many siblings - he is thankful he doesn't. 

Keith steps into Lance's room and is struck by how full it all is. There are photos of his friends everywhere, DVDs and video games take up so much space and the rest - well, the rest is all surfing posters and skating posters. They seem to appear in every nook and cranny of this room. Keith is almost impressed by the sheer volume of memorabilia in this room but he is soon interrupted by Lance's suggestion to watch a movie. 

They settle on Jaws, a classic for Lance and old-school for Keith. They find one thing in common during the picking process: old movies are always better than the latest blockbuster hit. Whilst Keith is engrossed in the plot, Lance dares to be brave and inches closer throughout, not wanting to seem too hands-on. However, Keith misses these signals and simply inches the laptop closer towards Lance, mumbling "sorry" and returning to this fantasy world. 

The film proves to be enjoyable for the two and, as the credits begin to roll, there is a knock at the door. This is when we meet Lance's dear sweet mother, beaming on her little boy and asking, "how's it going, you two?" 

"We're fine, mom." Lance chuckles, turning slightly red at being a mummy's boy. 

"Keith, honey, it's getting quite late and I could never let you go without some food. Tell me you'll stay for dinner." 

"I-" Keith stops to ponder for a moment. Of course he'll get shit at home later for this but he can't refuse mama McClain and besides, those kids also seem friendly. What harm could it do? "Sure" he smiles back at mama McClain, preparing himself for a long evening ahead.


	28. Chapter 28

We open our next scene at the McClain family table: full of little ones with gawking expressions and pointing at this pale stranger in their lives, teenage siblings recognising that face somewhere but where exactly, and of course Veronica - she's just there to watch from the sidelines and occasionally irate her brother. Lance McClain can feel the pressure exuding from all corners of the table as he takes his place next to Keith Kogane.

"So, I hear you have some classes with Lance. Tell me, what's he like at school?" At this question from the matriarch, all ears are burning for a satisfactory answer. They are all ready to take in whatever new gossip they can get their hands on. 

Flustered, Keith responds "oh...well, he's pretty good, I guess. Maybe only derails the class once or twice a lesson - but he's good when I don't understand anything." He forces himself to chuckle afterwards, putting on an Academy-winning performance to cover that thick layer of awkwardness and a lack of being in touch with one's emotions. 

Although there are many murmurs of joy around the table, Keith's eyes focus on the girl opposite him who is nearly identical to Lance: his twin, Luisa. He can practically feel her eyes scanning him up and down as her lips become thinner and frown more, her judgement solidifying in her mind. Nonetheless, Keith tries his best throughout the meal - even if Luisa is always observing him with a degree of disdain. 

Later, after Lance's mother ropes her boy aside and forces him to wash up (cue several protests and excuses to look after Keith), Keith manages to sit down with some of his siblings and nieces and nephews, a gaggle to Keith. He has never seen so many family members in one place. The sofa moves as one member gets up and another sits down: Luisa. The frustration coming off of her is palpable, to say the least. Just as Keith decides maybe he should leave or excuse himself to the bathroom, she speaks. "Why are you really here," she mutters with disgust dripping on every syllable. "Do you even care about Lance? Because you sure don't show it." 

Taken aback by her boldness and rudeness, hurt and confused and angry, Keith coolly retorts with "I don't see it as any of your business, actually." Feeling a new surge of rage rise through him, the likes of which he has not felt in a long while, he rises and walks over to Lance, mumbling some excuse about how late it is and how he needs to go. 

"Oh, yeah. I'll see you at school?" But Lance never hears the answer as Keith marches out of the front door, obviously...well, pissed about something. He looks around to where Keith was sitting and sees Luisa looking slightly guilty. This is when Lance puts 2 and 2 together. He knew something was up throughout dinner with Luisa but he never thought it would result in an argument, especially not one with Keith. 

He storms over and points at his twin, uttering few words. "You. Upstairs. Come on." As he walks upstairs with her at her heels, his mind races through his anger at her pushing Keith away. 'Boy, oh boy' he thinks, 'there's a storm coming.'


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a short one, sorry. I can't really think creatively that well at the moment.

"Luisa!" Lance McClain snaps at his twin in a vexed tone, pulling her into his room with much force. "Did you have to go and ruin what I had with Keith?? What the fuck did you even say to him to make him run? Actually, don't tell me. I-I just don't know why you would mess up the one thing in my life going for me. Jesus, you are insufferable sometimes I swear!!" He takes in a deep breath, shaking with anger so much his hands can barely stop trembling. "Well, is there anything you want to say?"

Calm and collected, sitting in front of a boy filled with rage, Luisa rolls her eyes at Lance's ignorance. "Lance, could you really not tell how Keith was being so fake during dinner? He practically had to force himself to smile with the kids, and as with mom, every laugh sounded practiced. I'm sorry, it just didn't sound genuine. I don't want you getting sucked in by some guy who won't even enjoy a proper family meal with us. He seemed dishonest and that's not the kind of guy I ever want to see in our house." Her face morphs into one of kindness for her twin, exuding loyalty to the McClain name. 

This mini-monologue makes Lance stop in his tracks. Come to think of it, Keith didn't really seem to be enjoying himself during dinner. He just seemed to be...there. But, couldn't he have told Lance why? It hurts Lance to think that Keith couldn't talk to him. Lance debates whether or not Keith was pretending to be enjoying himself - but why would he do such a thing? "Um, sorry I guess," he mumbles to Luisa. "I didn't realise it was like that." 

As she leaves, Lance's frown deepens and deepens. Is Keith ok? He whips out his phone to text Keith, pausing and retyping several times in a tedious pattern before settling on "hey can we talk tomorrow after school?" 

His anxiety slowly simmers and rises in his stomach, his eyes fixate on any response from Keith. It's nauseating when the three little dots appear and similarly disappear, giving Lance the urge to throw his phone into a river. However, a far more sensible option (as decided in his brain) is to wait. And he does. For some time. He tries to bore himself with menial tasks like reading a book or watching an episode of whatever teenage garbage is currently on Netflix (something I believe named Riverdale) before it happens. The phone buzzes with a notification, the suspense draws to its thrilling conclusion. It's one word, but it's enough for Lance. "Ok." A satisfactory victory, at last.


	30. Chapter 30

Lance McClain has gotten used, by now, to hanging around after school for Keith Kogane. He knows he should just sit and wait and with any luck, Keith will show up. And so, he does. He sits around, twiddling his thumbs and playing whatever latest game craze is drilled into his brain at this very moment.

Luckily, Keith shows up five minutes later. He reluctantly walks over to Lance, having been filled with the dreaded feeling of paranoia all day about this talk. Does Lance know? Has he told someone? What's going to happen? Silently, he quashes these nerves and sits down next too Lance. 

The saying is 'silence is golden' but here, it hangs in the air, looming and waiting for the next sound to break the tension. Neither of the boys look at each other - Keith at the ground, Lance at his phone. The main sound punctuating the air is the simple rhythm Keith's fingertips play as they drum on the wall, anxious and eager to get this over and done with. 

"I know you weren't really having a good time last night." Well, it's a simple way to get Keith's attention, that's for sure. "Luisa told me, and looking back, I think I knew. I know you didn't want to be there, and you lied about us two and about everything to my family." Lance turns to face Keith with a look of hurt confusion. "Why can't you just be honest with me, ok? I don't like people who lie, I really really don't. So, what's your excuse?" 

'Shit' Keith thinks, now racing to come up with anything, something to satisfy Lance. "Um, well...." he stammers, still talking to the ground. "Look, I'm sorry. It was a different environment to my house and I guess I just got overwhelmed with all your relatives. I'm not good at adapting to new situations so I panicked and did the first stupid thing I thought of. Your family seemed nice and joyful and happy, and I wanted to be like that so they'd like me. Your house is...very different to mine, and I was an idiot at trying to get them to like me. I-I'm really sorry, Lance." Keith focuses intensely on the gravel in front of him, praying and hoping and wishing it was enough for Lance to stop asking about it. 

Well. That was certainly a shocking answer to Lance. He certainly was not expecting anything gushy or emotional, certainly not from the tough guy he's known for the last few months. Turning scarlet, he squeaks out an "oh" before clearing his throat and chuckling nervously. "It's, uh, it's ok. You don't have to act like my family for them to like you. I'm sure they'll like you for you - like I do." Lance blushes harder as Keith quickly perks up at these last three words. "I like you, for you. Not some phony you try to be around my family. So, you know, just be yourself. That's one of the things I like about you. Yourself." 

The beam that follows these compliments is enough to render Keith speechless for ages, eventually finding his words alongside a soft smile. "Ok. And thanks. I...I like who you are too." 

Lance laughs awkwardly for a few minutes at this revelation, stuttering out "Oh, good. Well, I promise I'd meet Pidge and Hunk for their latest scientific breakthrough so, see you later." As Lance runs off and as Keith ambles back home, the two feel lighter and more content and strangely optimistic. Their rose-tinted worlds make everything feel as if it will all be ok. Fate has played her hand right and been rewarded in a whirlwind of euphoria. Euphoria that will blind a thousand eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so thank you all so so much for the kudos and simply just for reading it. It's nice to know there are some people out there who want to read stuff like this. Anyways, if you have any predictions or simply want to give feedback, let me know in the comments and in the meantime, keep enjoying the story!


	31. Chapter 31

To fill you in, dearest of readers, Lance McClain and Keith Kogane share a couple more of those dates - the kind that make teenagers' hearts swoon and disgust 20-something-year olds. We shall not go into too much detail about those, I wouldn't want you to cry from the happiness. We shall instead skip ahead to a couple of weeks later, at the McClain residence. Our two 'lovebirds' are busy sitting in Lance's bed, watching a dreary action-packed film with all the explosions your heart could handle and, of course, bodies fit for the gods. However, something is different. This time, Lance McClain is bolder. He barely glances over at the gore - instead silently gushing over Keith and watching him with a hopeful and yet sorrowful look, as if he expects Keith to reciprocate. As if every moment he isn't is like scalding agony.

"Uhh," Keith says as he pauses the film, "are you alright? Do you want me to get your mom?" 

Immediately Lance's face burns a deadly scarlet. "Hmm? Oh yeah no no no, I'm fine. Let's just, watch it." The disappointment in his voice is lost on Keith as they play the movie. Much like the actors in this thrill of a film, Lance decides to be even braver than he was before. Slowly and silently, he sidles up to Keith, eventually being so close he could see every little hair sticking up on Keith's neck. "Hey Keith?" he whispers. 

As Keith turns to ask what's wrong, his lips meet Lance's unexpectedly. It's soft, steady and gentle but Lance lingers. He wants this moment all for the two of them. The silence afterwards is palpable as the thoughts visually load into Keith's mind. After a while, he simply states the obvious: "you........just kissed me." 

'What?' Lance thinks. 'Does he not get it?" Almost condescendingly, Lance repeats it as if talking to a child who tries their hardest to read a simple picture book. "Yes, I just kissed you. Was that not - ?" He's cut off suddenly with a short kiss from Keith, full of passion and whispers of a future. 

Smiling the most Lance has ever seen him smile, Keith sighs. "I-I can't say that wasn't anticipated a lot in my head. You make me feel things I don't normally feel, Lance. And I know I don't make a lot of this easy, but I do want to be with you. Even if I don't show it or I'm not in a good mood. I guess I have feelings for you." This words sound foreign for a minute but Keith's mind clutches onto them, proving to Keith they are his. 

Lance laughs lightly and nods. "Well, I guess I have feelings for you too then, Keith. And I'm not going to rush you or anything. We'll just go whatever pace you like." As the two of them enjoy the rest of their jovial night, the relationship hardens. The two cement their affection for each other on this special night. Nothing will and can ever stop them. It's just a utopian future ahead, full of unconditional love and undying admiration - oh wait, that's not this story. Oops.


	32. Chapter 32

In the span of these next two weeks, it is true to say that Keith Kogane does try harder to seem more 'romantic' and loving with Lance McClain. None of it is easy for Keith, especially trying to reciprocate contact - as one must remember that Keith has barely ever felt such squeezes of affection and hugs in his entire life. But he does set himself one continuous goal: to consistently try to brighten Lance's day. After all, it is the least he can do after Lance comes along and helps to cut the chains weighing him down.

Although, there are instances where, well, where Keith has taken to Lance too far. Neither of them will ever forget when Keith was permanently banned from the arcade for punching a man harassing Lance. Back to the drawing board for dates for Lance then. 

There is one thing that does vex Keith Kogane however. Sometimes, spending time with Lance can feel like a police interrogation. Filled to the brim with curiosity, it is near impossible to avoid Lance's questions on his family or his room or his house - and it's by far worse whenever Lance drops not so implicit hints about wanting to come over. Keith never admits it but these questions are nearly driving him insane by this point. It's a catch 22 for him, one could argue. He can't let Lance see the true nature of the Koganes yet it nearly breaks him every time Lance's face drops as they once again spend time in Lance's room doing god-knows-what or at Lance's kitchen table, constantly staying for dinner. The monotony slowly kills both of them, Keith surely knows. Alas, it's all he can do to brush off every question and remark and plea. 

"You know", Lance starts again one evening, "I know I mention this every night but what's wrong with your house? I mean, I only got to see your room once and even then, it was only for about two minutes. Plus your mom seemed really nice. Are you ashamed of me or something?" 

Keith scoffs and shakes his head. "You know that's not it. I just - it's a difficult time for us at home right now." 

"Right. It's always difficult." Lance sighs and flops down on his bed next to Keith. "You know I'll just keep pestering you until you give in, right? Please, please, please? Come on, you know you want to introduce me. I'm everyone's favourite guest! Pleeeease?" 

As the irritation and frustration slowly rises in Keith, he snaps suddenly and rolls his eyes at Lance. "Fine! Fine, you can come over. You can come over tomorrow, but you cannot stay for too long!! Happy now??" 

Seemingly ignoring the anger on Keith's face, Lance beams and gives him a peck on the cheek. "That's all I've wanted for so long. I can't wait!!" 

Whilst Lance rambles on and on about the outfit and the gift and meeting his family, a thought hits Keith like a bullet and renders him pale and almost sweating. 'Shit,' he thinks, 'shit, shit, shit.' Tomorrow is the worst day of the week for the Kogane household. Why? Because tomorrow.....is the dreaded Thursday. Thursdays only bring danger, misery and suffering for all. There's only two words on Keith's mind right now: 'I'm doomed.'


	33. Chapter 33

Keith Kogane fidgets with his hands outside his house, his brain tossing and his stomach somersaulting as he waits for Lance McClain. Every worst-case scenario comes to mind: what if his dad yells at Lance, or hits him, or worse hits Keith in front of Lance? Keith knows empathy is rampant in Lance, who knows who he could tell?

Just then, Lance shows up with some flowers. He beams warmly at Keith, who opens the door for them to step inside (semi-reluctantly). "You know, this is the first time I've properly had a good look inside. Your home is very nice" Lance comments, peering around every nook and cranny he can find. 

"Uh, thanks." Out of the corner of his eye, he spots his mother fretting and walking towards them. "Lance, this is my mom. Mom, this is Lance." 

She smiles a weak smile as they exchange formalities, her eyes hanging with bags and her face flushed from fear. "How do you know Keith?" 

Whilst Lance stutters, Keith sighs quickly and interjects. "We're....we're dating, mom. He's my boyfriend" Lance is too flustered by the word 'boyfriend' to notice the quick looks of helplessness the family share - a common trait amongst Koganes. 

As she bravely smiles about the situation and makes sure Lance is ok, a string of profanities echo around the house and widen Lance's eyes. He is about to ask if everything is all right when a big, burly, rage-induced man strides in muttering something evil about the commentator. He yanks open the fridge in search of alcohol to keep his tempest down when his head swivels so quickly his neck would break if any faster. He stomps over to the increasingly terrified Lance and maliciously asks, "who's this little shit then?" 

"Just a friend" Keith blurts, spur of the moment. The answer was ready from day one for him, a survival technique so he doesn't walk out of the room in a body bag or in handcuffs. 

"Mhmm" Lance squeaks out with some pain - can Keith not bring himself to tell the truth? However, he decides to forgive Keith after the leery look his father gives him, mentally interrogating him and every inch of his body. 

Face paling every second the tension is not resolved, Keith's mother smiles brightly at the two boys, asking (well, rather hinting at) Keith if he wants to take Lance up to his room for homework before dinner. Quicker than a hare after a gunshot, Keith pulls the skinnier boy upstairs, not turning around to see the look of horror mixed with interest on Lance's face. 

An inner conflict takes place in the folds of Lance's mind, with him mentally writing down many, many questions to ask Keith once safe and alone.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whattup, readers? How is everything going with you lot? Are you all ok???
> 
> BTW, if this chapter looks bad, I'm in the middle of A-levels and, you know the stress levels are going through the ceiling. Praying for an A, am I right?

As Keith Kogane yanks the unsuspecting Lance McClain upstairs, he shuts his door firmly and sighs to himself. He sits down on his bed and pats the space next to him - a clear message for Lance to join him. As Lance sits, Keith hopes that he will not pry into what just happened, or the way his father acted, but he accepts mental defeat and knows he probably will.

Being ever the diplomat, Lance sucks his teeth awkwardly and says "well, it's a nice change from all the chaos at my house" to which Keith chuckles slightly (side note: Lance always feels his heart filling up with pride whenever Keith blesses him with a chuckle or a laugh. It's a small thing he can do for Keith but one he can easily do). 

"Don't worry" Keith mutters, "it's just like this on Thursday's. My dad gets pretty involved in the racing, and can be quite intense. As you saw." 

The cogs of confusion begin to turn in Lance's brain, who furrows his eyebrows in doubt and blurts out, "but there was arguing last time and that wasn't a Thursday." His eyes widen as he says that, kicking himself mentally. He really, REALLY does not know when to keep his thoughts to himself. 

Naturally, this vexes Keith and he immediately goes on the defensive. "Don't all families fight a little?" he snaps. "You just....caught my parents at bad times, that's all. That's just how we resolve our differences." 

"Oh, ok I'm sorry" Lance winces, realising he struck a deep nerve with Keith. Silence hangs in the air, thick as the blood Keith's father has probably shed before. Desperate to make Keith like him again, Lance smiles and remarks how he likes Keith's mom. She seemed nice and kind, just like a mom should be. 

Luckily, this works (hurrah!). Keith grins and points out his admiration for Lance's mom. 

This goads on Lance, who laughs lightly and once again 'thinks to himself' that the two doting mothers will definitely be invited to the wedding. It isn't until he turns and wonders why Keith has an uncomfortable and strange look on his face that he realises, with horror on his face and despair churning in his stomach, that he did say it out loud like a klutz. "Shit, don't worry, that was a joke. I didn't mean it really, fuck, I'm sorry if I put you off." As he backtracks, he laughs nervously and just hopes Keith won't kick him out. 

"It's fine" Keith mumbles, his voice wary and - though his face looks more relaxed - his eyes are still full of suspicion on further examination. "Let's just, um, talk about anything else." 

But what will this anything else be? We shall never know as this is the moment coincidentally when Keith's mother knocks on his door, with alarmingly red eyes. "Dinner's ready" she says in a sort of meek and passive tone, as if the world has been fighting against her from day one and she's taking it all upon herself. 

Trudging down for dinner, there is a shared emotion amongst all who head to the table: trepidation and consternation.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what's up dudes, sorry for not posting until Sunday - saw Six on Thursday which was spectacular and have been working until right now.
> 
> Anyways, enough waffling and enjoy!

Well, it's safe to say this dinner was not a success. Where to begin, readers, where to begin? Probably at the beginning, that seems the most logical solution. As Lance McClain sits down, already he can feel the steely glare of Keith Kogane's father, scanning him up and down as a threat to the dominance he holds over his family - scissors ready to cut the puppet cords of his family.

"So." The patriarch's voice booms along the table, almost making Keith's mother jump with fear. "How do you know Keith then?" The tone is like an interrogation, the exact opposite of Mama McClain.

Even Lance jumps at the sudden, sharp question. He utters a desperate response (if one can call it a response). "Uhh, just class. I sometimes struggle, and that's when Keith helps me out. He's, like, the smartest in our class." He laughs nervously, his answer presenting itself minimally before the brutal father.

Chuckling grimly, he mutters "well, Keith is probably too smart for his own bloody good." This threatening sentence, one which Keith shrugs off, leads into a gloomy household and dinner of silence.

Lance's eyes follow everyone around the room, from the father's leery eyes staring at whatever concoction is in front of him to Keith's almost ashamed expression at his father's behaviour and questioning to his mother. The mother who seemed like the sweetest person in the world, now precariously fixing her eyes on her husband - naturally, to work out what offence or insult will come out of his mouth next and how best to react. This is when Lance remembers the bruises he glanced over before. Putting two and two together, his eyes now begin to widen and follow the actual behaviours of the Kogane family.

It isn't until now that he notices how quickly they all eat. None of them eat and savour the flavours but eat for survival and because they have to. With nausea setting in from this dark realisation, Lance stands up haphazardly and mutters some sort of excuse about the bathroom. Once the door is locked, all sounds swell up and the breath in his throat squeezes and tightens until it seems he will suffocate in this dangerous home. Does he tell anyone? Does he tell his mum, Veronica, Pidge, Hunk, Keith?!?! Or does he bottle it up and let Keith live in such a festering home, one filled with horror and misery and with no way out? Does that make him a terrible person, and boyfriend?

As he panics and anxiety overflows within him, there's a soft knock at the door. "You ok in there?" Instantly, Lance's shoulders loosen and he can exhale. He opens the door and smiles at the raven-haired teenager in front of him. "Yeah, all good." The reciprocation of Keith warms Lance's heart more than he'd like to admit. For now, at least.

But alas, it's getting dark and Lance must bid them adieu. After many thanks (although staying cautiously aware of the growing frustration upon the head of the household), Lance sets off down the long road in front of him. His mind screams at him for the majority of the journey, trying to pull him back and whisk Keith away from the snarling face of his father. This paranoia and apprehension floods Lance's mindset until he hears a buzz from his back pocket. It's a text, and one that dissolves all negative thoughts of the night.  __

_'Really enjoyed spending time with you tonight. Glad you were here.'_

It's short but, with those 11 words, butterflies fill Lance's stomach and make all his worries disappear. It's risky, but what harm can that do?


	36. Chapter 36

Our scene is set with Lance McClain trying to open the front door as quietly as possible, so as to not disturb his siblings. Hearing the soft humming coming from the kitchen, he smiles to himself and peers in in a child-like manner, watching his mama's hips sway to the imaginary concert in her head and her feet tap to the beat of her mind. He walks up to her and grabs a dirty plate, scrubbing all the filth off of it into the bin.

Startled for a second, her face soon beams at her son. "Thank you, mi amor" she chuckles. "How was everything with Keith tonight? You guys have fun at his house?" 

"Yeah, it was really fun tonight. His mom's really kind and sweet, and we had such a good dinner." The charming pair continue to tidy and crack little insider jokes with one another for some time, until Lance asks precariously "mom, if hypothetically you had a friend and things weren't great in their house, what would you do?" 

"Is this about Pidge or Hunk?" The tone of her voice immediately morphs into one with concern and her brows furrow with anxiety. 

Lance shakes his head persistently. "No, no, no - just someone who I've talked to at school every now and then, and it's just a bit easy to tell. I just, I want to help but I don't know what to do." It's finally out there: a compromise between his promise to Keith and helping him navigate his way out of this catch-22. 

"Hmm" she frowns, trying to think of a wise answer. "Lance, honey, in situations like this, you should tell someone at school you can trust - like a teacher, or another authority figure. But, do it sooner rather than later. You wouldn't want your friend stuck in there, and the quicker you tell someone, the quicker your friend can get the help they need. Friends don't let friends suffer in silence." 

Comprehending these words, Lance nods and hugs his mum. "Thanks, mom." Lazily, he yawns and mumbles "goodnight." Trooping upstairs, he tries to think over these precious words and figure out a next line of action. 'Eh' his brain responds 'we'll do it tomorrow.' 

Lance's mama smiles at him as he leaves but then suddenly, her expression darkens when he's gone. She knows who he's talking about, it's been made fairly obvious. She exhales and the cogs in her head begin to turn and form a coherent plan. It's time she should help out this family in peril, once and for all.


	37. Chapter 37

As with most euphoric and loved up couples, the next few weeks whirl by in a dash of romance and affection. They find out more about each other during this time, like Lance's dreams to be a pilot and Keith's hope of playing music for crowds one day (alas, he all but abandoned it before talking with Lance).

One of their favourite things to do together, when not hanging out with Hunk and Pidge, is to just walk through the local park and listen to each other - usually Keith doing the listening and Lance doing the conversation part for the both of them. Every now and then, Lance will say something that makes Keith smile and he just wishes he could record that and play that moment in his mind over and over again, he'd make it his ringtone if he could, that sounds helps Lance understand one of the many reasons he felt drawn to Keith right from the start. Even a simple chuckle or scoff is enough to make Lance almost feel dizzy at the knees, cliché as that sounds. 

It isn't all plain sailing though. There are days when Keith just won't open up and say a single word, instead communicating by squeezing Lance's hand or smiling weakly, as if that smile is a barrier from letting all his thoughts slide out. These are some of the hardest moments for Lance: he wants to just hold Keith and whisper sweet nothings and tell him that everything will be ok, but he can't. Not if he wants to have Keith's trust, not if he wants Keith to be able to count on him. 'Keith's like.... a dog you just got from the pound', Lance thinks. 'One wrong move and he won't ever step foot in your direction, let alone be with you.' 

That doesn't mean Lance doesn't help out when he senses Keith is down. No sir, he does everything in his power to make Keith realise there is light in this world. As soon as Keith steps foot in Lance's café, you bet there's a black coffee just waiting to touch Keith's lips. You can also bet Lance knows how to just talk and talk and say nothing, something else which Keith appreciates. It isn't easy for him to talk so he thanks Lance silently every time for just being to talk for both of them. 

All in all, around two weeks fly by with barely a single glitch or hitch. For Keith, it's never been this way before. There's never been a big period in his life where everything's even fine, let alone pretty damn good. There may be one or two hours before the screaming and the hitting starts again. But now, life is positively rosy for our protagonist, folks. 

Luckily for this feeling in dread, everything is all about to come crashing down for young, sweet Keith Kogane....


	38. Chapter 38

One sudden and sunny day, Keith Kogane cautiously (as he always does) opens the front door, tensing in case there's screaming coming from the kitchen, living room or bedroom. He lets out a quick and quiet sigh of relief as he hears only silence. Yet, his eyes widen when he sees his father with a grim expression just sitting at the table.

"Ah, Keith" he says menacingly, his eyes glistening with malice, "come sit down with me." 

Realising he doesn't have a choice, Keith slowly sits down near to his dad - trying not to be too close so he can get up and run at any point. "Where's mom?" 

His father waves his hand dismissively. "She's upstairs. I wanted to have a chat, just the two of us." He straightens, his hands grasped firmly in front of him on the table. "You will not believe the day I've had" he chuckles lightly. "You see, some people came round today. Fucking social workers came round today, trying to peek into every corner of this home and interrogating your poor mother and I." 

Keith pales, becoming more and more nauseated by the second. He remembers clearly the wrath of his father the first time social services became involved. He tries to stutter out a response but fear gets the better of his speech. 

Immediately seeing Keith's reaction, his father stands up - filled with rage. "What did you fucking say, boy?!" he shouts at Keith. "What lies have you been spreading around, huh?" He reaches out to Keith, places his hand tightly around his neck and starts squeezing Keith's neck, his eyes becoming more red. "What the fuck have you done?!" 

As Keith tries pathetically to shake his head, this further enrages his father who sneers at him and drops him carelessly. Whilst Keith gasps for air, his father leans in close and mutters, "if you ever tell anyone about anything that happens here, and some shit happens here again, I will not stop until you are dead. Do you understand? I will kill you any way I have to. You're lucky I don't just kill you now, you little shit," he spits at Keith. "Now go upstairs and don't you let me catch you down here again tonight." 

Keith trudges upstairs, defeated by his father once again. Through the evening and the night, the apathy and the shutting down of emotions, the missed calls and texts from Lance, Keith only has one thing on his mind: what happened? His mom wouldn't have done anything, she's perpetually terrified of what would happen if she did. He didn't say anything to anyone at school, Shiro's not that dumb and he hasn't told Lance anything about that yet. Keith has a troubled sleep as all his dreams are haunted by the past: screams and slaps and cries of a baby. Oh, Keith. He hasn't learnt yet that they really should be haunted by the future.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not long to go now, folks...

Walking from room to room, locker to locker, Keith feels the eyes of his peers burning on him as if they all know what he's desperately trying to hide. His turtleneck, the one Keith had hoped to never wear again, the one stuffed at the back of the drawer, was itchy, uncomfortable and made him all sweaty. Still, he dare not take it off - lest someone sees a bruise and raises an eyebrow. Every two seconds, his eyes dash from side to side to see if anyone cares as to why he looks so paranoid or why he slinks further into the shadows than ever before. But, it's just chalked up to classic Keith Kogane: the weird, emo kid.

Just like when the day meets the night, of course Keith is bound to run into Lance at some point. Lance beams brightly as his boyfriend walks towards him. "I really liked meeting your parents the other night, especially your mom. She seems really nice." As Keith smiles gently, he unconsciously rolls up his sleeves. Lance's eyes lazily drift towards Keith's smooth and almost transparent arms before his eyes widen at the sight of an ugly, monstrous purple hue just visible at Keith's elbow. "Whoa, what happened to your arm?" 

Keith freezes. Almost in a flash, the sleeves are pulled back down. "Um, just a fight with a couple of people last night. They said shit, I said shit. Guess I pissed them off. No big deal or anything." He shrugs nonchalantly, his heart beating a mile a minute with anxiety. "Don't worry about me, Lance. I promise I'm fine." He smiles reassuringly at Lance, who reciprocates the gesture. 

Though Lance tries to calm himself with Keith's words, he does worry throughout his classes and his walk home. He chews slower at dinner, his mind more preoccupied with the danger that might be surrounding Keith. Nobody notices, he thinks. Everyone else just eats and chats and laughs around him, not caring about why Lance is suddenly quieter this evening. 

Except, this isn't true. His mother notices Lance's frowns and how he doesn't seem to listen to everyone else and even how he stares into his food at times like he's pondering the meaning of life. After dinner and the reluctant tidying up, she pulls her son aside for a minute. "Lance, could I just have a chat with you?" 

He looks puzzled but sits down next to his mother. "Yeah sure, what is it?" 

"This is about your friend Keith, actually." She sees him shuffle in his seat when she mentions Keith's name but she bites the bullet, sighs and continues. "I always, in the back of my mind, knew who you were talking about when you mentioned a friend in trouble. I've heard other various stories about a family in the neighbourhood who seemed to be... struggling. So, I did what I thought was the best option. I told my friend Grace, who works for Social Services. I just informed her of a situation with the child's life at danger, and she said they would probably investigate given the history of that household. But that's all I know, and I'm sorry if I betrayed your trust. As a mother, I did what I thought best for that boy." 

Lance pales and becomes nauseated during his mother's speech, clinging onto his chair so as to not faint or have a panic attack. Suddenly, out of nowhere, he stands up and runs up to his room, slamming the door behind him and ignoring his mother's pleas to listen to her. He's an idiot, her knows that for certain. 'Oh god' he thinks, 'Keith's going to kill me. Is that worth telling him that I know? What should I do?' 

After much tossing and turning and tearing out hair and pacing, he grimaces at his dark epiphany: who knows what could happen if Lance doesn't intervene? it's only fair to his conscious and to help Keith that he tells Keith the truth, plain and simple. It's time for Lance to face the music, once and for all.


	40. Chapter 40

Although Lance would not normally see Keith every weekend, he has to make an acceptation for this one. He knows he has to do what's right, and thus he texts Keith the following: "hey, I think we need to talk. Can you come over?" His heart pounds and he can feel himself almost trembling as he waits for Keith's reply and the simple bing which comes moments later. "Sure". The word that releases the butterflies into Lance's stomach.

As Lance finishes up his speech for Keith, the doorbell rings and he rushes down to answer it. "Hi" he says nervously, smiling at Keith. "You wanna go upstairs?"

"Ok" Keith shrugs, following Lance into his room. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

Lance's hands fidget and he inhales deeply before speaking. "I-I know about the social workers coming over to your house" he mumbles quickly, staring down at the floor. "I know they came over and thought you weren't in a safe environment."

Keith quickly frowns. "What? How did you know about that?" The words barely leave his lips before his eyes widen. "Lance, did you tell anyone? Did you tell them?" Anyone could hear the sudden change in tone, from confused to angry in seconds.

"No! No, no it wasn't me Keith, I promise. It was actually my mother - I think she's known for a while now, and she has a friend in social services, and she just wanted to do what was right, Keith."

"Lance" Keith interjects with a solemn voice, "how did she know?"

Stuttering for a few seconds, Lance sighs. "I may have... expressed my concerns about your family but only because I was worried, Keith. I just want you to be happy and safe and - "

"You had no right to do that" Keith says, his eyes filled with fury. "Not you, not your mom or anyone else in your family. What happens in my home is not something for you to tell anyone, I thought that was obvious from the get-go. Thanks to your mom and her, her meddling, my life is shittier than before which I didn't consider possible! My dad hates me and every single night I hear my mom's screams and i just want to die." Keith pauses before staring directly at Lance. "I can't trust you anymore, Lance. I don't want to be near someone who tells people about my private life. I don't want to be with you anymore." He begins to leave as Lance is lost momentarily for words.

"Wait, Keith!" Lance runs towards the raven-haired boy and grabs onto his arm. "Keith, you can't be serious. Please, Keith, I just wanted to help and...and." Suddenly, Lance stops and thinks about his true intentions. How can he apologise for wanting to help and protect his boyfriend? "Actually, no. I'm not sorry. I can't be fucking sorry if all I want to do is help you and make sure you're safe and try to stop your asshole of a dad from laying his hands on you! That's part of being a good boyfriend! If anything, you're being ungrateful." Keith pulls his arm away from Lance and scoffs. "Oh I'm definitely safer now than before" he says sarcastically. "I'm so much safer when my dad could kill me at any possible moment! And how DARE YOU say I'm ungrateful. I never asked for you to do anything - you were the one who fucking interfered in my personal life and put me in the mess I face now."

He inches closer and closer to Lance until he could simply head-butt him, and mutters bitterly "I never want to see you or speak to you again. Stay out of my life for good." With that, he walks out and slams the door, running downstairs and out of the McClain household.

Shaking, Lance collapses as soon as Keith leaves. He chokes on his tears, a hole filling in his body made out of regret and misery. He would scream if he knew the neighbours wouldn't hear. As this boy continues to wallow in melancholia, he stares out of his window and into the world he knows. A world where now he will no longer be able to find solace in love and partnership, a world where his ties with a quiet, apathetic boy have been severed - a world without Keith.

**END OF PART ONE.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thank you so much to everyone who has read this and enjoyed it, and I hope it's been as fun for you to read it as it has been for me to create this. 
> 
> Part Two planning will start soon, I promise - but I cannot guarantee when writing will start.
> 
> See you on the other side, dear readers.


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